So this week started off a wee bit rough; but got tremendously better as it went on.
Monday was a pajama day here in the Narry home. After a very trying Sunday, Monday got off to a rough start with both kids waking up early and in foul moods. Needless to say I was in survival mode trying to keep at least one kid happy all day (hopefully not at the expense of the other). There was a window of about 20 minutes where both kids were up and neither one was crying. In that brief window I was reminded of how amazing my children are and how lucky I am to be their mama.
Ashlynn was playing down on the floor, gnawing on Sophie's face when Jayce laid down next to her (as he frequently does). The two of them proceeded to have a "conversation" for about five minutes, I can only assume that Jayce was trying to convince her that the links were a far superior toy when compared to Sophie (a glorified dog toy marketed as teething toy, that is apparently very addictive to little ones; Ashlynn with spend hours gnawing on her face or her feet....much to the dog's dismay....dang thing squeaks something awful). This little man may not have had much of a say in whether he got a sibling/sister or not; but his love and adoration for her grows every day (perhaps since her ability to "play" does as well).
When we came back from Pittsburgh, we were all a little sleep deprived and out of sorts routine wise. The sleep deprivation was expected understandable. Well as the trip was drawing to an end; Ashlynn hit a major growth spurt, and some sleep regression and other developmental leaps that perpetuated the sleep problems. These issues would have arisen whether we were at home or away (as Jayce went through very similar events; though maybe not all at the same time). All this led to some very fussy days, and long sleepless nights. The little girl that was amazing at sleeping 12-13 hours a night, was now waking 3-4 times a night; occasionally waking Jayce as well. If she were truly hungry, I had/have no problem feeding her. The problem was that she wasn't hungry. She was just pissed (and occasionally had a limb stuck in the crib slats). Sometimes nursing would calm her down and put her back to sleep, and other times she would just scream uncontrollably for up to an hour. A week or two ago; she started dropping some of the night wakings, and was really only up once a night, and usually to eat. She was still a pain to put to bed (waking within frequently for about an hour), but she was sleeping longer stretches. The problem that arose with the one night feed/waking was that it was almost always around 2am. On mornings I didn't have to work, it wasn't a big deal; however the three mornings I do get up to work it damn near killed me to have to get up to feed her. It sounds selfish to write that; but my alarm goes off at 415, and I have to be out of bed by 430. So her getting up around 2 meant that I wouldn't get back to sleep until at least 3am, only to get up again an hour later. It made for some very long work days.
This week we decided we'd had it and needed to be proactive about the sleep issue.
Step one: we can't really allow her to sleep in super late anymore. While I love that she would sleep until 8 or 9 in the morning; it was pushing the entire day back, and instead of eating 5 times a day, she would only end up eating 4 (since we would really like both kids in bed between 7 and 730 each night). While I'm not 100% positive, I do strongly feel that that had a huge impact on her night sleep. She wasn't getting enough calories throughout the day to keep her satisfied through the night.
Step two: adding in the cereal to help keep her belly full a little bit longer. Our pediatrician said that if we wanted to add in a little bit of cereal starting at 5 months that we could; but to try not to rush the fruits and veggies prior to 6 months. If these sleep issues hadn't of been going on, I may not have opted for the cereal, but all things considered, we were desperate for some sleep, and this seemed like a reasonable answer. We give her 1 Tbs of baby oatmeal between her dinner feed and her bedtime feed.
Since we started doing both of these; I'm happy to report that she is now sleeping straight through the night 12+ hours (going down between 7 and 730; and waking up (usually on her own) around 8). I don't know if it is related or if she's just finding her nap groove as well; but this week she has been napping for over an hour at least twice a day, and putting herself to sleep for those naps to boot. I feel like a new woman/mama with a huge sleep related weight lifted off my shoulders.
All that being said, she is still essentially getting all her nutritional needs met with breastmilk. But when I mention to other mamas (those who know our stories and those who don't), its surprising to see their reactions when I mention that yes she's (a) breastfed and (b) gets a little bit of cereal and ::gasp:: she's not 6 months old yet. Sometimes their first assumption is that I'm not producing enough milk; well I have two freezers full of milk that tell a different story. Other times it's that I'm selfish for pushing processed food (baby cereal) on my child so that I can sleep longer stretches. Either way, I'm usually met with some sort of condescending remark about how their baby is healthier or they would never even dream of introducing anything other than breastmilk before 6 months (well, heaven forbid the learn that Jayce had some formula towards the end of his first year ::gasp:: since my milk disappeared when I got pregnant with Ashlynn). It's amazing, and horrifying how much mommy shaming there is out there now a days. Why can't we all just support each other regardless of the decisions we make (many times for the good of our child and family). It's hard enough being a parent, let alone trying to navigate this world making the "right" decisions...cause let's face it, there are no "rights" or "wrongs", it's what works best for you and your kid.
Being a parent is inherently difficult. When you feel like you are constantly being judged, how can you feel confident in your parenting abilities? How are you able to feel like you are doing a good job when you are constantly being beat down by the day to day challenges of raising your kids and outside influences of the world? I wish I had the answer.
I can say, that I found something that may help me at least focus in on the good (because, let's face it, sometimes that's all you can do). I was reading The Happiest Toddler on the Block in an attempt to help with some of the communication frustrations we are experiencing with Jayce. In one of the chapters it talks about how the concept of the "nuclear family" is still a relatively new one. A few generations ago, it was common place to find multiple generations living under one roof. Or large extended families living in close proximity to each other, and everyone pitching in to help raise the kids. As the years have gone by, families have spread out and the child rearing has become more focused solely on the parents (many of whom work outside the home). This juggling act of work and kids has increased the amount of stress and pressure put on the parents. That's not to say that I think it is my family's responsibility to help us raise our kids, but I can see how this has evolved over time, and I can't say that I disagree with the statement. I feel an immense amount of pressure to do right by the kids, and to raise them to be good, kind, upstanding citizens in a world full of uncertainty and challenges that seem to get bigger every year. The book had a suggestion that I plan to start implementing for myself to help boost confidence and positive thinking.
Start a journal. Not a journal in a traditional sense; this one only takes a few minutes each night. At the end of every day, take a minute and reflect on the day. Write down three things that you think you did right that day. It can be as mundane as getting a good meal on the dinner table, or something that you were able to get your kids down for a nap with no tears (yours or theirs). Then on the rough days (and you know you will have them, everyone does), you can go back and read all the things you have done "right" for you and your family, and focus on the good, rather than dwelling on the bad that happened that day.
My challenge to you, and myself, is to take this one step further. When you see another mama out there having a rough day, remind her that she is doing a great job. When you see another mama out there doing a great job, tell her. There is no reason for there to be so much judgement out there and this "mommy shaming" in just ridiculous. We are all doing something amazing, and it is the most difficult job to do. Raising happy, healthy kids. Last Sunday was a particularly trying time during church. Both kids were over tired, Ashlynn was hungry, Jayce wanted to do anything but sit and play quietly in our seats. I can't even begin to tell you how much it meant to me to have the lady behind me (a complete stranger, never seen her in mass before) pat my back as I tried to "reason" with Jayce, or help me pull the blanket over my shoulder when Ashlynn had to be fed because she couldn't wait any longer (the sermon was about 15 minutes long that day, our hour long mass lasted a total of 1.5 hours). Or the man who stopped by on his way out to tell me that I'm doing a good job, and the kids screaming didn't bother him. He was glad we were there. Don't be afraid to be like them (and our "grandparents" who help us every week, and are always full of encouraging words), spread positive vibes. Maybe if more people spent more time being positive, we would be able to see all the good in the world every day.
I guess that's enough of a soapbox for me. Sorry if it went on too long. Its a series of thoughts that have been bubbling around up there for a while now.
Grandpa Greenfield was in town this week, and finally healthy enough to spend some time with us. We got to see him on Friday for dinner, and Saturday morning for breakfast with Nana and Papa. It's funny, I got to reprimand my father for his language instead of the other way around....my how the tables have turned.
I mentioned earlier that we are having some minor communication issues here in regards to Jayce. It pretty much stems from the fact that he's not quite 2, and lacks a lot of essential verbal skills. He is however, a sponge and it seems that he is adding to his vocabulary every day. However, the words he is choosing to pick up on aren't the most useful. New to his vocabulary are:
"Oh shoot" (though we try not to encourage that one as his "shoot" doesn't quite sound like shoot, though I promise I've only said shoot in front of him for the last several months), "yeah", "alright", "oh geeze" (picked that one up from Grandpa Greenfield on Friday), "Hey Dude" (you can thank Aunt Barb for that one), and "wow"
Saturday night we finally got a much needed date night. We had Aunt Jessie over to watch the kids, and Justin and I went out to dinner and the Coyotes Penguins game. It felt so good to have a date with my husband, we haven't been out without the kids since our weekend away before Ashlynn was born. We were able to reconnect, and have an undivided conversation. Not to mention a few beers. At times it felt odd, like we forgot the kids somewhere, but they were in great hands. Thank you so much Jess, we needed that night away.
After some play time inside, Ashlynn went down for her nap (1.5 hours!!!), while Jayce and I went to play outside. After a few rock throwing incidents, it was back inside. We played with the alphabet puzzle, learning to say the letters as we went, and worked on learning "The Itsy Bitsy Spider".
After Jayce's nap, and Ashlynn's second nap (another 1.5 hours!!!), it was over to Grandma and Grandpa's to watch the first half of the Super Bowl, then home and to bed. This was the first night Ashlynn went to bed awake, and without much of a fight/battle. ::knock on wood:: this is the start of a new trend.
Till next week; we love you all. I truly appreciate each and every one of you, and the roles you play in our lives. The help and support you provide is invaluable, and we would be lost without it.
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